Thursday, June 03, 2010

Happiness Is...

Wow! Sometime in the last 3 or 4 years I grew up. Holy cow. What a weird thing to suddenly realize. This Eureka moment was caused by further consideration of class yesterday where the discussion was around an article entitled: If We Are So Rich, Why Aren't We Happy?
How many sarcastic responses can you come up with?
So as you can imagine, the whole 'money can't buy you happiness' was brought out first which initiated the 'what is happiness?' conversation.
You really get stuck in your head when you're in University; I gave a solid spiritual-philosophical answer, rather intelligent and enlightened sounding, if I may say so. ;)
But what I should have said is "Dude, I'm happy!"
Not in like a perky, bubbly, I don't deal with pain, overly cheerful about everything kind of a way (I don't do perky)...but in a "I'm good" kind of way. And this is huge for me. It hasn't been weeks or a few months, it's been a few years now (and I was afraid to talk about it for fear it would go away) LOL.
How do I know I'm happy?
Because I've been unhappy, like severely unhappy...for most of my life. And it's not denial. My life still happened. But if it hadn't, would I have what I have now?
Short of knowing at least the last decade of details about my life, you're just going to have to trust me. The answer is no. I wouldn't have what I have now without my life happening. And I love my life. Love it. Suck-ass stuff happens. It has, especially in the last few years...and will. But when shit happens, I have my people. And peace. A peace that God sees it all and He will get us through. And when I lose my place, then I have my people to give me a swift kick and love me through it. My people rock. I am so blessed.
And so the realization comes when I read over what my real answer is and I realize that I am proclaiming that people love me, that I'm happy and at peace, and that I trust God will get us through. I'm not running off across the country to rescue anyone, or falling apart when someone is angry with me. I'm not trying to fix everything and take care of everyone. I'm not enabling or behaving recklessly, impulsively, or purposely stupid and bizarre. The dark, depressed, weak, victim girl is long gone and I LIKE myself. Woooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Holy Shit, I feel like I should mail this out for the Christmas newsletter or something. LOL
Thank you Lord!!

Monday, March 15, 2010


What a flipping joke!
The new 'enlightened' definition of tolerance, as taught in a post-secondary education setting apparently means "we tolerate whatever; whatever makes you feel good, whatever arouses you or feeds into your self-centered ideology" and subtly implied is that we will blatantly bash Christianity EVERY chance we get.
Talk about gender equality = bash Christianity
Talk about social status = bash Christianity
Talk about higher learning = bash Christianity
The premise is that Christians are close-minded, homosexual-hating, subservient and quietly-dumb women loving, anti self-sufficient individuals, poverty-desiring, go to church and hide your hypocrite status, ignorant, keep your head stuck in the sand, imbeciles.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sad Thoughts

My neighbour just came to the door to ask us to collect his mail for him.
His voice was crackly and he appeared to be close to tears.
Worried that one of his kids had been in accident, it didn't register when he said she had passed.
I heard my husband say how sorry he was.
Come again?
They had been treating her for heartburn.
Yesterday she went to the mall with her daughter and new baby granddaughter.
She was in pain.
He went and picked her up, and the Dr. sent her to Emerg.
She had a heart attack at the hospital and they were unable to start her heart again.
Turns out her heartburn was actually severe angina.
Oh God!
His first wife died of an asthma attack.
Now wife #2 has left him too.
I hugged him, but had no words.
And then I wondered, is there anyone left to hug this man?
That was the saddest thought.
Gardener extraordinaire. My buddy.
The best kind of neighbours you could ever hope to live beside.
I will miss you too.