Father, do You see this?
The tiny, shattered pieces
You knew before time
The damage would be done
The question then is why
You could've skipped me
Moved on to #359840123 instead -

I realize this is not paradise
Don't fucking talk to me about "Disney"
I'm not looking for perfection
I'm just praying for a lull -

A few months, a couple weeks
Some time to breathe
A chance to laugh without the guilt
To smile without the shame
To sleep without the tears
To talk without the crap
To drink without the need
To affectionately hug instead of cling
To think without the voices
To remember without the heart-breaking,
gut wrenching, mind-numbing grief -

Father, You see me
I know that
You love me
It's what keeps me alive
But it's too much, I'm ready to give up
I am so frigin tired Lord
I just want to sleep
Dreamless -
no screaming or sobbing
Just rest, deeply, in You
I can't walk - I can't even crawl
Just a nap, Father
That's all I ask
A chance to rest in Your peace
In Your arms