What I've Learned

It's been two years. I guess life got away on me. Again. :)
So here goes...

What I've Learned:

God is who He says He is.
He loves me. Not like in a "isn't that nice" kind-of-way, but in a, I call out from the depths and He answers...He parts the grey, sunless sky and reveals some blue, some sun.
I need that blue sky, that sun. Besides the fact that I am 80% convinced that I have Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD), that blue sky, that sun, translates to "I love you. Love God." for me.
I don't understand.
I believe anyway.
I will do what I have to, to never go back.
I only want to walk in His will for my life.
I fail at that frequently.
He loves me anyway.
He still doesn't rely on me. I don't make it or break it.
I don't want to miss the open doors.
I do miss those open doors.
He doesn't give up on me.
He can take it. I've railed, sworn, screamed, thrown tantrums.
He loves me anyway.
I am capable of things I never knew (good and bad).
He never leaves me.
I love Him. Inadequately and very imperfectly. But I really do love Him.
I'm okay. I've survived. Crap will happen. I'll be okay.
I love my husband. Inadequately, far from anything resembling perfection...but growing and gratefully, I really love Him.
People frustrate me; people brimming with gifts and potential who never take the first step.
God loves them. Perfectly.
There is no such things as living without regret. Everyone wishes they had handled something differently. People who say they have no regrets are in denial.
Wallowing wastes time.
I don't want to waste time.
There is a person or an opportunity that God may have arranged which you or I may miss by wallowing.
I don't want to wallow.
I will fail.
I will get back up.
My husband loves me. Imperfectly and often not the way I think he should, but He loves me.
I am blessed.
I will not biologically have my own children.
God has blessed me with more children, (and those children's children), then I could have ever dreamed.
I have gifts.
Life will always include loss and pain.
God never changes.
I have a calling and a purpose.
Life is hard.
Sometimes people suck.
God has blessed me with a family that I would give my life for.
I have some beautiful, wonderful friends.
I want to keep growing and learning.
Life without love, to me means death.
Loving is a risk.
I want to face my fears.
I don't want to play it safe.
Some things feel like they will break me.
Thankfully, I have hope in God.
I am sometimes jealous.
I wouldn't give up what I have for what I don't.